New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
