He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she told me i tasted like america
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
