Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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