there's paper in my vomit.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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