2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
