**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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