K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
