I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
How's your threesome situation going?
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.