All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.