he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.