he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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