Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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