best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
