have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
did i just pee glitter
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
