i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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