I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
