we made out on top of his cat.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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