you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
