The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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