Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
