how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Less talking, more tequila
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
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