Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
