Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
