U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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