I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
