We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
