Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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