He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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