Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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