i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
