you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
