you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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