Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
