wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
