Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
