last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
