farters have to be the big spoon...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
