good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
