Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
