do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
