I must be too annoying 4 u.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
