he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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