And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
