hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
