Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
