was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
