i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
