After last night, I could never be a politician.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
