Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
