Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
