Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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