i jhust puked up my retainher.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize