his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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