I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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