he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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