its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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