Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She bit a glass in half.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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