At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
