I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
