Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize