And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Randomize
