You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
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Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
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I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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