Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
