Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
