My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
As shirtless as possible
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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