my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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