my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
